finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
