I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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