i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
