What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
