I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She told me I should be a condom model.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
