don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
