now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
