Where is the hickey?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
