No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
