cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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