I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
