the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
