Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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