what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
