I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
