Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
