god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
