We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
