I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize