I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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