literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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