You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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