Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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