I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
don't judge my taste in strippers
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
