she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
