I wanna bring you to show and tell
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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