Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
