yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
