Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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