the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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