Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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