needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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