get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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