Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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