I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
