So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just want to make out with him forever
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
