I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
