I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
