You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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