Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
