Umm I'm too high to move.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
