I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
