I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
