I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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