You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
