I met the friendliest cop last night
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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