What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize