Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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