I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
