My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
that may or may not have been my penis.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
