I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
