I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
