Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
how does that bad decision feel?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
