To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
