There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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