you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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