she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i dont even know how to be here
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize