some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
