Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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