I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
