yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Randomize
