Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
