Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just found puke in my bra..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
