Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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