My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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