I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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