I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
