So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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