Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
