I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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