I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
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He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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