I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
