He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Congratulations! We have a period
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
