Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
