I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
false alarm. still invincible.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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