It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
