I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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