careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
