Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
