he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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