it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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