you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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