TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
