Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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