can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize